How to improve self-esteem in a couple is one of the main challenges faced by two people who have decided to spend their lives together. The first thing to keep in mind is that having a healthy self-esteem is very important to feel good about ourselves and love each other. This is the starting point for our relationships to go well.
And this is necessary to be well with your partner. For its part, your partner will need their self-esteem to be in good shape and be able to devote time to raise yours. The self-esteem in the couple is essential for your relationship to be strong and above all, healthy.
It isn’t a secret that relationships can be difficult in certain situations, so we must learn to overcome those moments and move forward. In couples who know how to take care of each other’s self-esteem and relationship, conflicts are overcome with more assertiveness and the relationship, instead of weakening, is strengthened.
That’s why TherapyChat’s therapists teach you how to boost your self-esteem for a more successful relationship.
How to improve your couple’s self-esteem and be happier
Do you remember when you met your partner? Do you remember the first stage of your relationship? At the time it seemed to you that everything you did, had and, above all, was your partner, it was perfect. Likewise, you felt empowered, happier, prettier, more secure. It seemed to you, of course, that your relationship was the best relationship in the world and you did not hesitate to boast of your happiness.
What happened then with the passage of time? Just time. With the day to day, the relations diminish their intensity, without it meaning that love is ending. On the contrary, many times the euphoria decreases because the feelings are affirmed and the relationship is established in a solid way. By knowing how to work on self-esteem in a couple you will be able to recognize this feeling of settlement and avoid confusing it with conformism, inertia or lack of love.
#1.- Support your partner in their decisions
If your partner shares their concerns and projects with you, you must trust in their abilities and support them in what they want to do, in this way they will always count on you and trust you.
This gesture of trust is key to understanding self-esteem in your relationship: your partner will feel supported in every step you want to take, you will feel valued because they have your opinion, the relationship will be strengthened because you act as a team.
#2.- Listen to your partner
Whether it’s good news or bad news, listening to them and having your support is critical to improving the couple’s self-esteem. The fact that your partner lets off steam is fundamental when it comes to releasing tensions.
If your intention is to know how to take care of the self-esteem of both in benefit of the relation, keep in mind that in these cases the best thing is to try to advise them in their matters but not to solve them. In this way, you will feel like one of the protagonists of their life, but it will be your partner who feels capable of trusting you and solving their own affairs.
#3.- Share hobbies
In order to improve self-esteem in a couple, it is essential to carry out activities in which both of you enjoy. It is fundamental that you share moments of leisure doing something that you both like.
However, it is important that everyone has their own space and hobbies: clingy couples do not usually end well. The best thing you can do is to find a point of equilibrium in which enjoyment happens sometimes together and sometimes separately. This directly benefits the fact that everyone improves their individual self-esteem and contributes to the value of the relationship together.
#4.- Jealousy is not a good ally
Self-esteem and jealousy are contradictory terms. Jealousy is a symptom of insecurity and can sometimes cause arguments and discomfort in the couple. If your partner is with you, it’s because they want to, it’s that simple.
Instead of controlling what they do, where they go or who they talk to, exercise understanding with your partner to encourage them to keep their friendships and create new friendships. To be healthy, a relationship must be based on mutual trust.
#5.- Accept constructive criticism
Try not to be defensive if your partner tells you any criticism or defect about you. You must contemplate your weakest points in order to improve them. In the same way, express what bothers you about your partner but making criticisms that serve to build.
To improve self-esteem in a couple, one of the fundamental lessons is to know how to handle the criticism: it’s not about it being a step and that everything your partner says doesn’t matter to you. It’s about being able to listen to what your partner says and value it, without collapsing and without ignoring everything you’ve heard.
#6.- Express yourself freely
Both good and bad is necessary to share it with the other person, that is one of the keys to know how to feel better as a couple. You should not be self-conscious if you feel sad or upset about something, you must learn to communicate so that the other person empathizes with you, puts themselves in your place and you can come to an agreement if there is a problem.
On the other hand, if you ever feel that you need to express positive feelings, do it! Saying positive things in a couple is fundamental for the other person to feel loved and valued, so you should not be ashamed or afraid to express affection.
Of course, you can always keep something for yourself if you feel it is appropriate. A key to working on self-esteem as a couple is knowing that you still have a life of your own: if you don’t want to talk about something, feel free to say so and keep what you need to keep to yourself.
#7.- Don’t be in a hurry
If you’re wondering how to develop self-esteem as a couple, perhaps it’s simply a desire to improve, but it’s also possible that it’s because you notice that something is not going well at all. Sometimes this way we can force situations: move into the same house, get married and even have children. Here you can read more about self-esteem in pregnancy.
If this is your case, stop and breathe. Each stage of the relationship needs a process that will depend on the couple. The other person may not feel ready to take a step forward, so you should respect them and give the time they need. You shouldn’t be in a hurry to reach goals. On the contrary, to know how to regain self-esteem, you must try to be happy every day enjoying the road.
#8.- Relativize material gifts
Sometimes, when looking for an improvement in self-esteem, mistakes are made in the “what”. Sometimes, it seems that the one with more is better and that leads us to get overwhelmed by getting a lot of things with money.
In reality, if you base your relationship on gifts and material objects, you won’t value the small details such as a walk, a hug and even a smile. Every day we make small gestures that make the difference and count in the relationship. You can always surprise them with a great gift, but don’t base your relationship only on gifts of material value.
If you have a budget of 50 euros for your next gift, instead of spending it all to buy something prefabricated, try to invest only 25 euros in something made by yourself and surprise yourself with your partner’s reaction. You didn’t expect to get more with less?
#9.- Don’t compare yourself with other couples
To know how to boost self-esteem, you must understand that each relationship is different and is surrounded by different situations, comparing yourself with couples who may seem happier you only get to degrade yours. You must learn to value and appreciate it without taking into account the relationships of others.
Many times there is an observer’s sin: be careful, because you can get just the opposite effect. Seeing that other couples seem better than yours and getting frustrated by how happy seem. Remember that one thing is what is shown to the world and another is what really happens. Don’t look at others, and if you do, don’t think everything is as perfect as you see it.
#10.- Be grateful for what the other person does for you
Giving thanks is a good way to show that you feel grateful for their support, affection and good treatment, so you should use words that make the other person feel that they are doing well. If they accompany you to the doctor, make you dinner or pick you up from work, thank them for the detail.
Sometimes we get so used to day-to-day attention that they start to seem like an obligation of the other to us and we overlook valuing them. Likewise, if you expect your partner to do something for you, ask them and thank them, do not wait for them to guess.
#11.- Learn to recognize the successes and failures of your relationship
Knowing and realizing what you do right and wrong in a relationship can help you strengthen your union. But don’t forget that individual self-esteem will always come first.
Many people go to couples therapy hoping to come up with the secret recipe that turns their relationship into a fairy tale. Many times, the therapist decides to put a temporary stop in this purpose and invite each of the members of the couple to follow individual therapy as a first step to improve the relationship.
This happens because the key to a healthy relationship and able to move forward is that each of its members knows how to improve self-esteem, how to solve conflicts, how to prevent their past contaminate their present and many other things that can only be seen on individual therapy.
This happens because people must preserve their individuality and learn to love each other as we are. Once one’s self-esteem is in good shape, the relationship is likely to have improved “on its own”. If not, couple therapy plays an important role in strengthening bonds and tying loose ends to help you live fully.
If you want to improve your level of well-being, in TherapyChat we can help you. We are international leaders in online psychology and we have the right therapist for you.